Occasionally when our child misbehaves, we overreact.
Perhaps it is we are in a bad mood or perhaps our child
has been pushing our buttons and has finally pushed the
right one. Parents occasionally lose their cool.
There is nothing we can do when we've reached our limit.
We can't stop it from happening. But we can control our
response.
Three Easy Discipline Techniques
That Will Change Your Child's Behavior
We learned how to discipline by
remembering how our parents disciplined us. If they made
mistakes, we will probably make the same mistakes.
Discipline is not punishment. Discipline is "Training
expected to produce a specific character or pattern of
behavior, especially training that produces moral or
mental improvement." (answers.com)
Child discipline often fails because parents lack
parenting techniques that will train their children
without punishment. These three techniques will help you
discipline without punishment. You will notice a fast
change in your child's behavior and his attitude towards
you when you change your discipline technique.
Parenting Technique One -Stay calm
When your child misbehaves, stay calm.
Don't yell or scream. Don't throw your hands up and act
like it's the end of the world. Calmly tell the child
what he is doing wrong and tell him what behavior
you expect. Like this:
"I do not like hearing children screaming in the store.
I expect you to be quiet until we leave. If you don't,
we will leave the store right now and go straight home
where you will spend time in your room thinking about
how to act in the store."
"There are a lot of people eating in this restaurant who
do not like hearing children scream. I expect you to be
quiet until we leave. If you don't, you and I will go
sit in the car while the rest of the family finishes
their meal."
You will need to get your child's attention before he
can process what you are saying. When my son was
screaming in a restaurant, I picked him up and carried
him to the bathroom where I knelt on the floor and
calmly told him what he was doing wrong, what I
expected, and what would happen if he continued. I then
said, "It's YOUR choice. What do you want to do? Sit in
the car or finish our meal?"
He chose to finish the meal and was a perfect child
throughout the rest of the meal. As we were leaving the
restaurant, several people stopped us to either tell me
what a good parent I was - or to tell him what a good
boy he was. We both felt great hearing all the
compliments. Remember to stay calm!
Parenting Technique Two - Steer clear
of negatives
Try pointing out the good things they
do, but go easy on pointing out the bad things. Children
love attention. If they don't get good attention, they
will be satisfied with bad attention. So, when they do
something good, praise them - and when they do something
bad, don't give them the attention (unless it endangers
the child).
Never combine praise with a negative.
"You look good in that dress, but stand up straight. You
look like a monkey."
"You won the race! Good for you! I can't believe you
didn't trip over your pigeon toes."
Both these examples tell the child "no matter how well
you do, you will never be quite good enough."
Parenting Technique Three - Be careful
with 'threats'
I have a friend who I love dearly, but
hate spending time with. Her five year old rules the
world with his tantrums. She constantly threatens to
"beat him", but it only makes him worse.
He knows two things.
1) She can threaten all she wants, but she never follows
through.
2) If he throws a fit long enough and hard enough, he
always gets what he wants (and usually doesn't really
want it)
This five year old does listen to me. I have taken him
out of a restaurant to wait in the car. It only took one
time of following through on my threat before he
understood that when I "threaten", I will follow
through. Now when we go out to eat, he may test - and
his mother threatens to beat him, but all I have to do
is give him "the look", and tell him that I will take
him to the car, and he calms right down and is quiet.
So, make a promise rather than a threat. And be prepared
to follow through on the promise. You may not like
leaving the restaurant to sit in the car with a
screaming kid, but it will only take once or twice
before your child knows that you mean what you say and
say what you mean. Isn't it worth doing once or twice to
ensure there are no more problems?
Putting it all together
It is normal for children to test boundaries, but if you
are consistent, your child will soon understand that
your boundaries are firm and will not test them as
often. One parenting mistake that can slip by us without
notice is the use of negatives. Just don't do it. And,
finally, stop the threats unless you plan on following
through. Your child will earn to ignore you.
Be consistent and you will notice a fast change.
